i guess nothing is going okay, so much not going okay, that i have no one to talk to that i have to resort to writing on here. I broke up with my girlfriend two months ago from yesterday. i stopped seeing josh. and me and george...well i stopped that too because i knew i was going to get hurt, and stopping it hurt me so bad, because i really like him and my feelings for him are still growing but now, we are just "friends" whatever that is suppose to mean and now im alone, like ive always have been. and i miss ashley so much it hurts me, but i cant go back ever. i miss my friends, but they left me when i left ashley. i want some FRIENDS who acually CARE not the shitshit ones i got now. i hate being so alone, so fucking alone. it hurts.

but here i am, on a tuesday morning dressed up like a fucking retard in a pink polka dot dress with polka dot leggings and braids in my hair and rings on my fingers and a smile on my prettyugly face waiting for the clock to go DINGFUCKINGDONG its time to go to school. and so ill go to school and ill see HIM and ill want to cry, but i wont. because im not like that. and ill make it through school, but barely. Ill make it through like a whisper from a mouse. ill creep and crawl and drink my H20 because i am on a fucking diet--but its not called a diet its called a 6 week life plan--fuck that. and i have to start this day off with fucking PLAIN oatmeal and water. and thats what ill eat because im fat and gross and being anorexic again will be the only thing to keep me in control of my unstable, insane life.

and all i want to do is visit my sisters grave and fucking cry. thats all i want to do.and all i want is someone to love me, for me. but thats too much to ask for, i know..

grrrr i hate myself because im becoming one of THOSE girls. the ones that cry over boys. but i havent cried yet, but we'll see.


fmylife